(no subject)

Player Information
Name: Jenni
Age: Older than 18
Contact: pm this journal & sparklepire @ plurk
Current characters: none

Character Information
Name: J. S. Carrensberg
Series: All About J
Appearance: uno, dos, tres
Age: 16-17
Canon Point: At the end of flashback in vol. 1: She's just left for New York
Canon History:
Warning: This section contains talk about sexual abuse, incest underaged sex and transphobia. Also J is a transwoman, which is why I will be using female pronouns.

When being a small child J had hard time with fitting in with her peers and finding place in her surroundings. This is heavily because she had different understanding of herself than those around her. Her mother, who's devotion to religion and God sometimes crossed past the lines of what's healthy and sane, had difficulties to understand what was going on with her 'son' and often doomed J's behavior, sometimes resulting in physical punishments such as spanking. Her father, on the other hand, was more lenient about his child's unusual interest and personality. For most of part, J's childhood went past in a confusing state of mind under a strict mother and without direction from her father. Things, however, changed when on 1952 movie called Gentlemen Prefer Blondes hit the cinema and whole America was swept into Marilyn mania, J included. That movie opened her eyes and made her realize who she was and what she wanted: She was going to be a star. She's going to become Marilyn. After that, J memorized every line from me movie, every dance and song and began to perform them while wearing her mother's old clothes. Unsurprisingly this caused some discord between her parents: mother disapproving and father encouraging J's new "hobby." He actually even took her with him to the bars and pubs where she could perform to regulars. It was somewhat chaotic phase in J's life but nonetheless she was happy. But unfortunately the happy days lasted only for a while as with the automation of car industry J's father, who worked as car mechanic, lost his job and sought comfort from neck of bottle rather than looking for a new one. With poverty knocking on the door, her mother had no other choice than start working herself, desperately trying to support the family while the father spent all the money in alcohol. It was dark and stressful and J had more than just once watch from the aside as her parents drifted apart and argued. But the true tragedy hit when J was thirteen and returned from school early after being bullied by her classmates, she found her father drunk at the home and he asked her to perform Marilyn's musical number "Kiss" to him. Wanting to cheer up her depressed father J did what he asked but as she was finishing the song her father moved to rape her. As it was happening, both of them failed to notice that the mother had returned back from work and saw what was happening. In a shock, she took gun out of the drawer and shot her husband.

Everything happened so fast after that J doesn't have full comprehension of the events: police and her teacher from school came, her parents were taken away somewhere and she was told to dress up in the best suit as she was taken to orphanage and told she'd have to live there until her mother, who suffered from mental breakdown, is better again. J spent an entire year in the orphanage without saying a word. The trauma from what happened with her parent had left psychological damage to her, making her mute and the staff at orphanage didn't exactly know what to do with her which resulted them leaving her alone for most part. But after a year group of boys attacked her in bathroom and bullied her for her unusual appearance and disability, threatening her with pair of scissors. The attack was enough to push J forward and break the mute spell as she accepted the fact that she'll have to look out for herself and rely on no one. Around the same time an older rich lady Carensberg, who was orphanages one of the main benefactors, saw J and decided to adopt her.

The Carensberg family owned a private christian all-male school where J's new adoptive mother worked as director. And as can be expected, J's studying didn't quite work out as they had planned as she was more interested in playing around with school's delinquents. On the first day of her school she picked up smoking and sneaked out during the evening to local run-down pub where she started to sign while dressed up as Marilyn. She gathered a lot attention at the club, mainly from older men and J loved it. However, her little nighttime adventures didn't stay as secret from her school's staff and she was moved into same room as older student Paul, who was also related to Carensberg family, hoping that he'd be able to keep eye on her. Well, the plan backfired and Paul had zero control over her -- in fact it became quite the opposite as J managed to wrap the silent and withdrawn student around her little finger. So J was able to continue performing and engulfing more men including one of her teachers and even more notable: rich club owner from New York named Arther. Enamored by the stranger's good looks and money J began to push herself into his company. They went on few dates, which all ended up on a more or less sour note a Arther didn't hesitate to crash her cloud castles and bring her back down on earth.

Over the time J actually even noticed that Paul had grown quite attracted to her, which J at first found amusing and teased the poor older student who was struggling with his feelings. But then again, it only took few months before she noticed that her own feelings matching his and for a while, J really thought that romance between them could work out even if they had to keep it as secret due to school's conservative atmosphere. But unfortunately, Paul couldn't bring himself to accept these feelings of attraction towards younger 'man' and rejected J's advances despite first feeding them. He also revealed that he had found out about J's past with her parents through her adoptive mother, showing how uncomfortable that made him feel. Upset and heartbroken J packed her things and left the school for good, seeking out for Arther who would take her to New York.

Personality:

The first thing that one probably comes to notice in J is that she's captured and mastered being both diva and the Hollywood sweetheart. She's a true femme fatale who only loves being in a spotlight as much as seducing men and their hearts. She flirts, teases them, dangerously inviting them to herself and she enjoys every minute of it, yearning and craving for adoration. If there's something she's confident in it's her ability to charm and entertain others-- after all, she's closest thing to Marilyn Monroe, the blond goddess herself, that one can find so it's only right for her to be the center of everyone's attention. She's a star who burns brighter than anyone else.

However, as one can guess, this is hardly the whole truth because when looked closer one can see the complexity of her character. And well, that she's not necessarily the nicest lady. J can come across the nicest and most pleasant gal she definitely can bring out a nastier and more selfish side. She's not downright cruel or even mean person but she does like pointing out other people's flaws, the more superficial the better. It's part of her teasing and making others flustered. J pushes people around and tries to get them go along with her whims and demands, mixing in with the flirt and seduction into it of course. But while this is a trait that can be easily be slide under her diva-like personality it sometimes goes far beyond that. Thanks to her keen eye she's rather good at picking up the possible insecurities and sore spots of others and once she gets taste of control she doesn't necessarily hesitate to hit those marks -- especially if she feels threatened in any way.

A lot of what J shows others, was it the sweet little darling, the sassy yet seductive queen, is all carefully crafted and selected. The glamour that she decorates herself with in the end is nothing but a decayed layer of paint that J's created to hide the ugly cracks. Deep underneath all the nasty words, superior attitude or tough behavior lies a deep and conflicted learned self-loath and guilt. Pretty much the whole environment surrounding J reacts to her with toxic. She's been subjected to lot of verbal harassment, from dismissive behavior to hexes, and even physical abuse. It's made very clear to her that she's seen as freak and abomination of sorts because of her gender identity (well, 50's - 60's weren't that happy time for lgbta+ or other minority groups). And J? Well, after living her entire life surrounded by such discriminating and hateful people she's learned to accept that mentality and train of thought as normal. She's learned to agree with those views and think herself as perverted freak of nature. And, of course, being sexualized from young age has left a mark on her as well. Because of it she's formed a bad habit of looking for a validation through other men, seeing her own identity as a nothing but a walking fetish.

Of course, a lot of this is shadowed by the traumatic events that took place in her childhood with her family. J blames no one but herself for the tragedy that happened to her family. She firmly believes that it would have been better if she her mom had shot her instead of her father, because that way he'd be alive and her mother wouldn't be sick. This is why J so easily sacrifices herself and later let's Arther to pimp her out even to violent and dangerous clients. The only moment, when J doesn't hate herself or find herself disgusting is when she dresses up like Marilyn Monroe and performs to an audience while singing her songs, drowning into that escapism.

J puts a lot effort to appear as someone older and more mature than she really is, often succeeding in it rather well. And even though it's true that J pushed herself to grow up rather fast because of the hardships she's faced at young age but despite all of that J very much is just a kid. She's a naive in childish ways, has a quick temper and she throws fits and grows upset when things don't go the way she planned. She laughs, dreams, falls in love, makes rash decisions, hurts herself and others along the way. It's only understandable that she doesn't trust the people around her too easily but once she accepts and allows others close she'll stick by them. Because despite of all she's gone through in her life she's still possesses a great capacity for kindness and empathy --- even though one needs to pick out the caring from her words under all the snarky comments.

Abilities:

J is a normal human being, so no superpowers here. But she's exceptionally good singer and dancer.

Inventory:

- The clothes she's wearing (a rundown white dress, matching heels with ribbons, blond wig and underwear]
- A Purse (containing: used and simple make up, lots of cigarettes, a lighter, little bit of money, brush, tissues, nailpolish and few coins)
- Small luggage (containing: her old school uniform, teeth brush, two change clothes, extra underwear, Marilyn's casette)

Sample

Thread Sample: Here is a thread from another game. I do have more and newer ones, too, but in them there's been some kind of character development, which makes her appear little different. I can write up another log sample set in LifeAftr's setting if that makes it easier!

[ooc: I should say that J isn't going to be 100% honest with some of her answers.]

Is it more cruel to love someone while knowing your relationship won’t last, or reject them for that same reason? What a weird question. Really, I don't think either of them is more cruel than another. I guess some would say there's no point in going for a dry well but I don't see any harm in having little fun while scraping for the last drop.

What would you say is your best quality? What to say, what to say. Either my fascinating personality or killer looks. Picking just one is going to be hard to say when the whole package is a perfection! But if you twist my arm and make me choose I guess I'd have to say it's the looks. You see, it's the first thing that people will notice about you. Good brains won't do you much if you're dull to look at and no one likes wall flowers.

Can you forgive a major transgression if the one who did it is sorry? Another weird one. You need to be more specific about what a "major transgression" even is. But in the worst case scenario? I'd cut off the leech or whatsoever. The last thing one needs in their life is toxicity like that.

Who is someone you admire greatly, and why? Ha! No one else but Marilyn. As for why, have you ever seen her? She's a goddess, a perfection, a dream come true. Such beauty and talent. There's really no other woman like her in the whole world!

Do you think things like art, music, and literature are important? Why or why not? Of course they are! Life would be simply boring and empty without any music or other entertainments. People would turn grey like a drooling and brainless and become dead inside if there wouldn't be something to nurture their poor little souls.

Do you consider yourself easily swayed by others? This is ridiculous thought. Of course not.

If you could do only one job for the rest of your life, what would it be? Dear, dear. I am already doing it. I'm a singer -- a performer if you will and it's important job! Like I just mentioned people need someone to lift up their spirits in the boring rat race. There is nothing better in the world than to see smiles spreading on men's face as they watch you like their biggest dream come true while a spotlight brightens your whole being. There really is nothing like to it.